Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
