You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
