Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
