Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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