Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
