i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
