i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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