I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize