I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
