i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
