imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
