could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You dont lie about slip and slides
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
the raccoons are back...
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