two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
