he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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