we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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