In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
