I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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