Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
