is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
