You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
