I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
