she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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