Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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