after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
