Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
