Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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