I hate your face
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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