I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
