We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
