We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
