Sorry, I don't speak sober.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
