If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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