Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize