sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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