Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
