Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
