That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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