just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
