put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken