fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
