whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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