I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
