I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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