i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You are a genius and a whore.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
