If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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