I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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