somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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