I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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