So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
