420 ftw
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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