So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
nutella sex= disaster
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
