when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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