and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
