how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
