If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
