I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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