Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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