I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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