so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
