the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
