I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
