watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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