Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
