My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
