Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
where are my eyebrows?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
