You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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