my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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