I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
