I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
