Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
